Marxist Pants: Definition
Marxist Pants are corrupting the children of America
In North America and the United Kingdom, nearly everyone has been exposed to Marxist Pants. Marxist Pants are denim jeans which appear “worn out” – they contain holes, ripped denim, and faded or discolored patches of denim. (Skirts of this nature are also included in the term “Marxist Pants,” but for the sake of brevity, which we consider an important virtue to adhere to, for time is a non-renewable resource, and non-renewable resources should be expended with care and responsibility, unless it is a fossil fuel, and even though patience is considered a Christian virtue, and thus is an American virtue, this does not detract from the importance of brevity, which is something to always be considerate of, for capitalism demands that time be compressed for maximum profits, we refer to both pants and skirts as “Marxist Pants.” Skirts of this nature share most, if not all, of the important characteristics of these pants and can be easily included in the same term.) This clothing is typical of the working-class, or in Marxist terminology, the proletariat, because of the effects of physical labor.
The Wearers of Marxist Pants
Before the invention of Marxist Pants, ripped and ragged denim jeans were often worn by the proletariat. The proletariat’s labor generally involves intense physical labor, and this physical labor often results in the tearing and discoloring of denim jeans. The bourgeois’ pants, on the other hand, are not threatened by the effects of physical labor, for the bourgeoisie does not involve itself in physical labor. Furthermore, if by some unfortunate circumstances, someone in the bourgeoisie was to rip their denim jeans, then these pants could easily be replaced, because the bourgeoisie has plenty of money to spend on pants and a much more developed sense of fashion than the proletariat. This was true for a time, until Marxist Pants became a problem for society.
As can easily be deduced, there is no problem with the proletariat wearing pants that we might expect the proletariat to wear. The problem occurs from the bourgeoisie’s apparent obsession with these pants. Marxist Pants are being sold for exuberant amounts of money. As reported by Forbes magazine, Marxist Pants are being sold for up to $3,134. There is nothing wrong with spending over three thousand dollars on pants. The American Way of Life calls for the bourgeoisie to squander their money on goods such as those found at Saks Fifth Ave. The wealthy are obliged to nothing less than a gluttony of economic consumption.
The problem is that these are Marxist Pants. If these were denim jeans that represented wealth and prosperity, then it would be logical for the wealthy to purchase them. Instead, the bourgeoisie has been tricked into purchasing ragged pants that actually makes the wearer seem less wealthy. In an absurd inversion of conspicuous consumption, wealthy adolescents spend enormous sums of money on pants that appear to be, by all measure, worthless and decrepit. This is because Marxists have successfully convinced many Americans that being poor is “cool.” These Marxists have been so convincing that those wearing Marxist Pants do not even see the bizarre contradiction of buying extremely expensive designer pants to look impoverished.
Conspicuous consumption is not the only psychological pressure forcing otherwise good citizens to wear Marxist Pants. Celebrities are another negative influence upon this nation’s moral values. It is no surprise that many celebrities wear Marxist Pants, for indeed, many celebrities advocate the destruction of traditional American values. Although their only accomplishment may be playing a role in a series of stereotypical narratives that appeal to doltish sentiments, they feel the need to use their popularity to comment on political and social issues. Naive citizens, unaware of just how infected these celebrities are by the liberal pathology, take their banal political utterances as wisdom. Even the most patriotic celebrities succumb to the pressures of the celebrity culture. Take, for example, Britney Spears; a talented young woman who loves the United States and its legitimate (which is to say, Republican) leaders. Yet even Britney Spears has been spotted on more than one occasion wearing Marxist Pants.
The wearers of these Marxist Pants are mostly middle-to-upper class white adolescent females. No other group in our society seems to have so unwittingly accepted Marxism. (Even though many fear revolutionary Marxism in the black community, this fear is unwarranted. The black community, for the most part, embraces the promises of capitalism. Malcolm X, the Black Panthers, and other radicals are no longer important figures. This can be easily observed by noting the amount of chrome-plated Cadillac’s in black communities, as well as their insatiable desire for platinum, gold, and diamonds. Their attraction to diamonds is particularly telling, since the profits from these diamonds are often used to finance the oppression of various groups within Africa. Luckily, this fact does not deter their conspicuous consumption of this shiny rock. Patriotic Americans should commend them for this unwavering devotion to capitalism.) That white adolescent females are being targeted by Marxist revolutionaries is not surprising. Women, being generally less rational and more emotional than men, are particularly susceptible to social influences such as fashion trends. Furthermore, their innocent feminine naivety prevents them from seeing anything wrong with wearing Marxist Pants.
Of course, white bourgeois women are not the only ones purchasing Marxist Pants. Due to the influence of feminism, many weak men have become ladylike and susceptible to fashion trends as well. (Although not as feminine as some other social groups, note the amount of male “Hip hop artists” that wear jewelry. This particularly feminine trait is disguised in an aura of gun-toting hyper-masculinity, which is most likely a compensation for the femininity manifest in their jewelry.) We do not wish to discriminate, so it should be noted that some effeminate white bourgeois males wear Marxist Pants too.
The Effects of Marxist Pants
Some have claimed that this fashion trend is harmless and has no association with Marxism, but we respectfully disagree with these fools. (And “fools” is the correct word for them. Why would anyone assume that Marxist Pants are just an innocent fashion trend? It is inconceivable that these expensive holey pants just appeared; there must be some explanation for them.) Marxist Pants unquestionably signify the proletariat. This signification is an important one. For orthodox Marxists, a Communist revolution is impossible until the proletariat has developed class consciousness. Karl Marx predicted that once the proletariat developed “class consciousness,” meaning that they recognized themselves as proletarian, they would overthrow the political institutions used by the bourgeoisie to maintain the capitalist economic system. Obviously, Karl Marx’s prediction was incorrect, but this has not stopped many Marxist revolutionaries. Lenin believed, contra Marx, that the proletariat was something that needed to be created by the Communist Party. Similarly, revolutionaries in the United States have begun trying to induce a false sense of class consciousness through the use of Marxist Pants.
These Marxist Pants have subliminally influenced adolescents’ view of work. They see work as an exploitation of their labor power and this perverted interpretation prevents them from striving to excel economically. Although they do not consciously believe this, their unconscious beliefs about the economy are manifest in their observable behavior. Becoming a wealthy bourgeois businessman no longer appeals to them as it should; they no longer identify themselves as a part of the bourgeoisie. Due to their Marxist Pants, which signify the proletariat, others view them as part of the proletariat and treat them as such. This social feedback from others eventually alters their identity. All of this occurs without their awareness. They think that nothing has changed, but their mind has been radically reconstructed.
Not only do these pants alter the perception of class relations, but this alteration inevitably causes economic trouble. Since Marxists expect government handouts, it is no surprise that a debt problem exists. Instead of earning their money, those influenced by Marxist Pants expect it to be given to them. People continue to spend money that they do not have, because they feel entitled to the same wealth that the wealthiest in our society possess and expect the government to provide this equalization of wealth. This is now unquestionable due to the election of a Marxist, Barack Hussein Obama, who advocates the radical redistribution of wealth. The combination of economic difficulties and a mass of individuals who identify themselves as part of the proletariat is a recipe for revolution.
The surreptitious injection of Marxist Pants into our society by revolutionaries is something that every American citizen should be concerned about.
